Today I am saying 'hello!' to the world of blogging. For months I have been wanting to sit down and actually put together a blog. But low and behold life just seems to get in the way. Or should I say my life as it once used to be, now forever changed. I say that with the utmost honesty of gratitude to the place that my Savior has brought me to today.
Several years ago I began feeling the Lord tugging at my heart strings to become a surrogate. I began to diligently pray and the more I prayed about His leading in this matter, the more evident it became that He was indeed leading me down this road. But the doors remained closed. Then in the spring of 2009, He opened them. He opened them so wide that every little detail fell into place without any pushing or prodding on my end.
I have started writing about my experience quite extensively. Not only is it therapeutic for me but it literally is therapy for me. Make sense?
"What happened after the delivery was nothing any of us could ever have anticipated. My heavenly Father was prepping me and molding me to prepare for the days that would follow and ultimately change my life forever. What happened in the 14 months that followed the phone call in December of 2009 is something that no one could have ever predicted. We understood the risks of pregnancy, the possibility of something going wrong through the process but my heart was trusting in God. I felt His call pressing on me to follow Him. I just needed to follow through in obedience."
God doesn't lay a map down in front of us and ask us if we'd like to follow Him or not. He doesn't give us option A or B to choose from. He simply asks for our obedience. Just simple obedience.
His asking of me to become a surrogate and give the gift of life to another family seemed like a very odd request of Him yet I knew that His blessings would be with me. His protection upon me. And His hand of grace and mercy were extended through the sovereignty of His divine intervention.
My doctors and nurses began calling me Miracle Girl for all that I had endured. But I don't feel like a miracle girl. I feel like me. Well, almost all of me anyway. Things are now different and will never quite be what they used to be. But if I'm to be called a miracle girl, it's nothing that I have done of my own doing. It is the absolute sovereign hand of God that declared His glory through my story!
I should not be here today, sharing this blog with you but I am. Four times I should have gone to meet my Creator but I am still here. My story was still being written, it was not my time. God did not give me a story to be hidden and tucked away, it's meant to be shared. Where ever that may take me, I'm not sure of yet. But, once again, I will follow.
I am determined to kick the doors of bitterness closed forever and I will not allow it to get the better of me. Yes, I do have days that I'm sad. It's usually in the evenings when I'm nestled into the coziness of my bed that I begin reliving those long weeks in the hospital; when it's all quiet in the house and everyone's asleep. I'll be reminded throughout the day as my leg involuntarily jumps (which is probably at least a couple hundred times a day). But amongst everything I've gone through, all the suffering that I've endured, I stand in the tangible love of Christ that He has a plan written for my life, already in place.
"As Jeff said a prayer that early Monday morning, I felt so honored to be part of God’s greater plan; that He had chosen me to deliver these precious babes. Before the foundations of this earth, He knew exactly how these little lives would be brought into this world. And there wasn’t anything or any part of it that surprised Him!"
