Today I am saying 'hello!' to the world of blogging. For months I have been wanting to sit down and actually put together a blog. But low and behold life just seems to get in the way. Or should I say my life as it once used to be, now forever changed. I say that with the utmost honesty of gratitude to the place that my Savior has brought me to today.
Several years ago I began feeling the Lord tugging at my heart strings to become a surrogate. I began to diligently pray and the more I prayed about His leading in this matter, the more evident it became that He was indeed leading me down this road. But the doors remained closed. Then in the spring of 2009, He opened them. He opened them so wide that every little detail fell into place without any pushing or prodding on my end.
I have started writing about my experience quite extensively. Not only is it therapeutic for me but it literally is therapy for me. Make sense?
"What happened after the delivery was nothing any of us could ever have anticipated. My heavenly Father was prepping me and molding me to prepare for the days that would follow and ultimately change my life forever. What happened in the 14 months that followed the phone call in December of 2009 is something that no one could have ever predicted. We understood the risks of pregnancy, the possibility of something going wrong through the process but my heart was trusting in God. I felt His call pressing on me to follow Him. I just needed to follow through in obedience."
God doesn't lay a map down in front of us and ask us if we'd like to follow Him or not. He doesn't give us option A or B to choose from. He simply asks for our obedience. Just simple obedience.
His asking of me to become a surrogate and give the gift of life to another family seemed like a very odd request of Him yet I knew that His blessings would be with me. His protection upon me. And His hand of grace and mercy were extended through the sovereignty of His divine intervention.
My doctors and nurses began calling me Miracle Girl for all that I had endured. But I don't feel like a miracle girl. I feel like me. Well, almost all of me anyway. Things are now different and will never quite be what they used to be. But if I'm to be called a miracle girl, it's nothing that I have done of my own doing. It is the absolute sovereign hand of God that declared His glory through my story!
I should not be here today, sharing this blog with you but I am. Four times I should have gone to meet my Creator but I am still here. My story was still being written, it was not my time. God did not give me a story to be hidden and tucked away, it's meant to be shared. Where ever that may take me, I'm not sure of yet. But, once again, I will follow.
I am determined to kick the doors of bitterness closed forever and I will not allow it to get the better of me. Yes, I do have days that I'm sad. It's usually in the evenings when I'm nestled into the coziness of my bed that I begin reliving those long weeks in the hospital; when it's all quiet in the house and everyone's asleep. I'll be reminded throughout the day as my leg involuntarily jumps (which is probably at least a couple hundred times a day). But amongst everything I've gone through, all the suffering that I've endured, I stand in the tangible love of Christ that He has a plan written for my life, already in place.
"As Jeff said a prayer that early Monday morning, I felt so honored to be part of God’s greater plan; that He had chosen me to deliver these precious babes. Before the foundations of this earth, He knew exactly how these little lives would be brought into this world. And there wasn’t anything or any part of it that surprised Him!"
6 comments:
Thanks so much for sharing your story! SO many of us were part of that story through prayer and we know that God is going to use your story for His glory. Denise T
Wow, what amazing faith you have! It's a wonderful reminder of how we get so wrapped up in our own desires and thoughts that we can lose faith in the way God is going to work through us. Thanks for sharing. I look forward to reading more... Sarah
Tiffany as I read this it AGAIN brings tears to my eyes. I am so honored to be your mother and as Denise said, we ALL went thought this and were a part of your story through prayer, without it and my love for Christ I WOULD NOT of gotten through the whole ordeal. My heart still aches, for the things that you are still suffering from as a result of all that has happened, but as you say our Soverign God is IN CONTROL and none of this surprised Him. I LOVE you my dear sweet Tiffany Up to the moon and as BIG as the sky forever and ever ~ Mom
One great thing about blogging is that it really lays everything out on the table. I love that you are honest in saying that there are times when bitterness and sadness creep in. It reminds me of C.S. Lewis' quote from "A Grief Observed": “When you are happy, so happy you have no sense of needing Him, so happy that you are tempted to feel His claims upon you as an interruption, if you remember yourself and turn to Him with gratitude and praise, you will be — or so it feels— welcomed with open arms. But go to Him when your need is desperate, when all other help is vain, and what do you find? A door slammed in your face, and a sound of bolting and double bolting on the inside. After that, silence” Yet through all of this, there was no silence on the other end. We all felt the strong presence of God working through this regardless of the outcome. He kept you here because he still has work for you to do.
Even though I get to hear your story pretty often it is still great to read your words and see the strength in your faith! Though many people have a small part in the story we did not live what you lived or see what you saw and it is a great comfort to me to read your words. You are an amazingly strong women and I am looking forward to seeing what God has planned for you in the future. Getting to walk with you hand in hand through it is the greatest gift a person can ask for. Though our family is forever changed by this story, it is in a very good way as God has used these trials to provide so many people with strength they may not have had and so many people leaned on Christ on your behalf! The blog will be a great way to share with people that even though the hospital stays are done there is much healing! It is our place to rejoice in healing as God wants our focus to remain on Him and not the things of this world that tell us to be bitter or resentful! I Love you!
You are so beautiful and amazing Tiffany! I think about you all the time. : )
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